ways to be supportive

3/10/2019

ways to be supportive

0 Comments

Read Now

identify ways you already support your friends

Support can be a phone call, a hug, a visit, a ride to school, help with a project, advice, a sympathetic ear

Think of the important friends in your life
List the ways you support each of them

Offer support that empowers

Help your friends improve at a skill you may be good at
Let your friends teach you or help you with something
Skillshare

Be an active listener

Show that you understand and care about your friend's problems
Be empathetic, not judgmental
Don't offer advice unless your friend asks for feedback
Be constructive by helping your friend look beyond the current situation for possible solutions

Ask your friends for support

Let your friends know what you need from them
Make a list of how you would like to be supported by your friends
Show appreciation when a friend does something nice for you

Encourage friends to ask you for support

Ask your friends if you can help them
Offer suggestions for how you might help
Follow through on what you say you will do

Define the boundaries of friendship that work for you

It is common for friends that are not truly friends to try to blur the lines in your relationship and try to get "benefits", this is coercion a red flag of abuse.

cycle of violence, it can start with small stuff

The cycle of attempting to obtain and maintain control over another person can be seen in different types of relationships.

It can be part of an unhealthy work dynamic, friendship, or romantic partnership.

http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/cycle-domestic-violence

Violent Episode

Gets you to do something you did not want to do
Asks you something inappropriate that they would not ask in front of other people
Yelling at you or insulting you
Use of a weapon, or throwing something at you
Causing injury, physical or emotional
Destroying possessions or taking something without your permission

Calm stage

Asks for forgiveness
Says they will not do it again
Makes promises, especially unsolicited promises
Is affectionate, gives excessive compliments
Denies the abuse happened or that they will take responsibility even though they didn't really do anything

Tension-Building

Picks a fight or tries to start an argument
Acts jealous or possessive
Ignores you/ gives you the cold shoulder and pretends that they are not doing it
Criticizes or threatens, makes you feel bad, maybe tells you that you smell bad
Appears to have unpredictable mood swings
Isolates you from others
Says things to you that nobody else is aware of

An abuser might lead you to think that you are friends and then lead you you think that they want a relationship so you will do things that are outside of the boundaries of a friendship.

They might manipulate you into having sex, thinking that they care about you, and want a long term relationship.

They then deny ever suggesting that you were anything other than friends.

They might pretend that the sex never happened, but expect you to still be ok with being friends, just as you were before the incident, this is a form of rape.

This can lead a person to feel uncomfortable in the environment they usually hang out it in and can lead to a sense of isolation and silencing.

This behavior is normalized in some social settings, it is ok to speak up and let others know how you feel about the situation, they might ignore you, but you gave them a chance to listen to a different perspective.

Hopefully they have learned ways to be supportive.

We cannot change abusers, we can only stay away from them, and set boundaries if we need to be near them, it is not our job to monitor the boundaries, we can only do our best and hope for the best.

People do abusive things for a sense of power and control, sometimes power and control are maintained via privilege dynamics.