Personality

What is Personality?

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The way that we express who we are, the behaviors, attitudes, feelings, and ways of thinking that make you an individual. 

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personality traits according to chapter 2 in our book

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• Extroversion vs Introversion: These words are used to describe polar opposites; we are not just one or the other and we might behave differently in different situations.

• If you just met a group of people, you might want to get to know them a bit better before you talk to them more, you might also be interested in learning more about what they like to talk about before deciding what conversations to bring up. 

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• An extrovert tends to be seen as talkative and sociable while an introvert is identified as shy, quiet, and reserved.  Extroverts tend to seek out other people while introverts are more comfortable spending time on their own.

 

• It is completely normal to be a mixtrovert
  • we just tend to define things according to a binary mindset. 

 

• Agreeableness: your tendency to relate to other people in a friendly way, people who are agreeable tend to cooperate more, are more forgiving, and assume that other people are honest and trustworthy. 
  • People who are "disagreeable" tend to be suspicious and assume that other people are unreliable or ready to take advantage of them.  
  • It is ok to question everything, balance is the key. 
  • Past experience tends to be a reason for caution
  • Awareness can be an ultra valid reason too

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• It is ok to not be agreeable if you feel that it is time to hold back on blind trust, follow your intuition and trust yourself and set the boundaries that you need in the situation, nobody can tell you how to feel about a situation.

 

• Conscientiousness: how responsible and self-disciplined we are, how we think through decisions, think of consequences, follow through on projects.

 

• Stability: Ability to cope with change, people who are emotionally stable tend to be relaxed, secure, and calm, even during difficult situations. On the other end of the scale are people who are fearful, worried, and angry.  They tend to focus on the negative and expect the worst in most situations.  Balance is key here too, it is ok to consider the worst and safety plan/ think of how the worst can be prevented or what you would do in case of an emergency. 
  • Prepare for the worst and hope for the best, be in the present moment.

 

• Openness to experiences: being curious, imaginative, and creative, open minded people are likely to have a wide range of interests and may be less predictable, more independent, and be less likely to do what everyone else is doing.

 

• Environment and how it affects us:
  • Friends: affect our behaviors through their conversations and activities
  • We tend to want to validate our friends, to tell them that what they are doing is the right thing... hang out with friends that you can honestly validate. 
  • Friends influence our sense of agency, if they respect our boundaries then we will feel empowered to set healthy boundaries and expect others to listen.  If our friends disregard your boundaries, we might normalize lack of respect for our boundaries. 
  • Boundaries can include things like giving out your phone number, getting in your space, sharing your personal information or experiences with others to make fun of you, tricking you in any way, not caring about how you feel if your are going through a difficult time, anything that makes it hard for you to see them as supportive friends.
  • Friends can affect what we consider acceptable humor, topics of conversation, how we respond when someone else is struggling, so your culture of empathy.

 

• Family: Through family we learn about attitudes, feelings and ways to behave
  • we are constantly reevaluating what we learned as children.

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• Culture: Personality traits that are valued in one culture might not be as valued in another culture.  Some cultures encourage people to be independent while some encourage people to fit in or be part of a community. 

 

• We are constantly creating culture, it is a fluid and abstract concept

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personality development

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• Develop trust: An infant depends on others for food, clean diaper, and affection.  If these needs are met, the child learns to trust other people.  If these needs are not met, the child learns to mistrust and withdraw.  
  • So trust can be influenced before we even learn to speak.
  • We can reconnect to trust by experiencing reasons to trust

• Learning to be independent: We learn to do things on our own, it can be considered part of personality, but intentional practice matters.
  • If we master our goals we might feel a healthy sense of power and control within our reality.
  • If we fail and have support, we can try again and thrive, if we fail and are ridiculed we might develop self-doubt, insecurity or shame. 
  • We can overcome insecurity and shame... creating a culture of support can prevent the emotional injury.  

 

• Setting new goals and learning new skills can help us overcome self-doubt and regain a balanced sense of power and control.  

 

• Mentioning "sense of power and control" is important because sometimes people will hurt others to mask insecurities.  They will seek a sense of power and control over others instead of seeking a sense of power and control within their own stability and sense of security.

 

• Setting a goal can lead to regaining balance, the goal can be to accept yourself as you are.

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ways to learn more about who you are

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• Taking initiative: We plan our own activities and set our own goals based on our personal interests.  As we develop a sense of right and wrong, we might take initiative to speak up against oppression and inequity. 
  • We think of new clubs, bands, web sites, dreams.
  • Our level of initiative is part of personality

 

• Developing skills: As we grow, we learn how to take care of ourselves and others, how to have our needs met, study skills, learning skills, social skills, our skills help us feel competent, we know that we are closer to reaching our goals because we worked on gaining the skills that we will use to get there.

 

• Search for identity: Sense of self and what motivates us to keep on going.  Your frame of mind or topics of conversation, what you like to do with your free time, what we are working on for ourselves and for others.

 

• Establishing intimacy: We establish close bonds with others and know that it won’t always go the way we expected but find ways to honor our boundaries and not give up on the possibility of building a large network of healthy relationships. 
  • If we support others and expect the same in return we build healthy rapport, and a culture of showing up and following through.
  • Intimacy is any sharing of deep thoughts, experiences, a level of trust  

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• Create and nurture: Help your friends and family-thrive, tell them how they can help you thrive.  Nurture vulnerable populations such as children and the elderly.  Stay up to date with the agencies that serve them, monitor progress and funding sources for public health programs.  Advocate for policies that protect them such as rigorous background checks for anyone that works with them.  Build community events around raising awareness to hold space for artists and musicians.

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• Look back with acceptance: Celebrate your success and work on new skills every step of the way.  Take risks that you feel comfortable taking and consider the negative possibilities of the risk to see what you can do to avoid them or feel more prepared to face them.  Look up articles and web sites that share tips and tricks.  All we can do is try our best and if things don’t go well, it is not our fault.  Older people tend to regret what they did not do more than what they did do.  Failure is natural and part of the process of growing.

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Setting goals

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To create goals that are clear and reachable, create SMART goals:
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• Specific (simple, sensible, significant).
• Measurable (meaningful, motivating).
• Achievable (agreed, attainable).
• Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).
• Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

WEB SITE ON SETTING GOALS, SMART GOALS
​WWW.MINDTOOLS.COM

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THOUGHTS to consider

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The more we respect other people, the more we realize that people can be respectful, we are more likely to believe that other can be respectful because if we can do it, so can they

If someone is not respecting you, you can stop engaging, you are free to stop talking to them, we can't change anyone.  You can let them know how they are bugging you but if they shame you or deny your experience then there is nothing you can do about that.

Retaliation often leads to escalation.

We tend to surround ourselves with people that are like us and share our sense of humor, this is the reason some people believe think stuff like "all people are racist" or "all men are sexist", oppression is normalized though "sense of humor" to mask the intent to oppress.  A lot of truth is said in jest as people reveal their innermost values.

A great way to stop saying oppressive things is to stop thinking in an oppressive way.

If we say something oppressive, it is not a "slip-up", it is an expression of our values, we can correct ourselves by remembering where we learned to think this way and unpack our own logic.  Reflect on why you said what you said and apologize to anyone that was hurt.  Sometimes we have to unlearn may things to move forward.

Oppressive means: sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, classist... any form of hate or negativity that aims to put some groups of people over others. 

All oppression is learned.

It is usually a fear of lack of control over a situation, or fear of lack of resources.  For example racism can come from wanting to put people down so they don't feel that they deserve to share space with you.  Racism tends to discourage people from applying to jobs; they might feel that they won't fit in, or will constantly have to cope with racism and be stressed out on a daily basis. 

​A fear of lack of job opportunity can motivate a community to use racism to push people away; it is direct oppression, and it hurts entire communities. 

​This can rob us of the opportunity to learn from each other and even create more jobs.

​Our values affect our personality.

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