Family Health

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What makes a family healthy?

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​Families are healthy when everyone takes care of themselves, and each other.

Each person has to work on their own self esteem and support the well-being of their family members. 

​This does not mean that it is anyone's job to make sure that someone else has a high self esteem. 

​It is however, our job to not intentionally hurt anyone else's sense of self worth.

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VOcabulary from the book

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Nuclear family- a couple and their children, any gender or sexuality

Adoption- the legal process through which a couple will take another persons' child into their family

Single parent family- only one parent lives with children

Extended family- group of close relatives living together or near each other, grandparents, teachers, uncles, aunts, or cousins

Blended family- when parents remarry and children from both parents live together

Foster family- when people take care of a child while their biological family is not able to take care of them 

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CHores

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​All members of the family are meant to share responsibilities, chores and responsibilities can be adjusted according to age. 

​Youth can help with cleaning and cooking regardless of gender. 

Cooking and cleaning are basic life skills.

Household Chores Appropriate for Adolescents of Any Age
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• Putting away their belongings.
• Doing the laundry.
• Folding and putting away clean clothes.
• Vacuuming, sweeping, dusting.
• Setting the table.
• Clearing the table.
• Washing and putting away the dishes.
• Feeding, walking family pets; cleaning birdcages and litter boxes.

​https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Household-Chores-

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What is Self esteem?

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​Confidence in one's own worth; self-respect.

Respect? a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Many psychologists think that high self-esteem has a positive effect on health, while low self-esteem has a negative effect on health.

Accept yourself and treat yourself well, with self- compassion. 

​Self-compassion is extending compassion to one's self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.

​While there is little doubt that low self-esteem is problematic and often leads to depression and lack of motivation, trying to have higher self-esteem can also be problematic if it is done by putting other people down.  

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Family members get to help each other with

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• Recognizing that it is normal to not get it right away

• Listening to each other and believing in each other as you wish someone would listen to you and believe in you

• Alleviating suffering by cheering each other up and helping each other feel supported

 

• Remembering that it is normal for things to go wrong sometimes, we are constantly learning how to cope with situations that go wrong

 

• Helping each other feel connected since isolation is evolutionarily considered very unsafe and we panic when we feel alone.

 

• Practice considering how our actions can affect the experience of someone else before we act

  

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Teaching Everyone Self-COmpassion

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​Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment: Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals.

Common humanity vs. Isolation: Frustration at not having things exactly as we want is often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation – as if “I” were the only person suffering or making mistakes.

Mindfulness vs. Over-identification: We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Acknowledge it, feel what you feel, and let it go.  The pain does not define you, the experience does not define you.

​https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
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Why it can be hard to love ourselves sometimes

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Some say that we give ourselves the love that we think we deserve, not what we actually deserve, we each deserve the best. 

Sometimes we are taught that we don't deserve to be treated well and we need to unlearn that.

Oppression dynamics can lead us to believe that we don't deserve as much happiness as other people and we end up with internalized oppression.
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Lack of Privilege can make us feel limited until we limit ourselves

Sometimes the past and limitations of the adults in our life lead us to hold ourselves back

Everything is constantly changing and the experience of the adult is at least over a decade old, there is still a lot you can learn from them, remember that you might have more opportunities than they did, or live in a more loving world, thankfully.

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Healthy Family Dynamic Includes

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pg 126

Caring and Commitment

• Committed to staying together through good and bad times 
• When one family member makes a mistake, the other members of the family offer their support even if they are angry or disappointed

Respect and Appreciation
 

• Family members help each other feel important
• Celebrate success

Empathy
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• The ability to understand how the other person feels
• Family members listen to each other's points of view

​​Communication
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• Family members tell each other what they honestly feel
• they listen with respect to what the other person has to say 

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​Cooperation

• Responsibilities are divided fairly among family members 
• Each follows through with what they say they will do 

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Family VIolence

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• Violence can occur in all kinds of families-- rich or poor, urban or rural, at any education level.

• The heart of the problem is one persons' desire to have power and control over others.

 

• Violence may be physical, sexual or emotional

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• Any member of a household can be the victim of abuse- a spouse, child, or elderly person

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• Tell people what you are going through, you are not alone

 

• Physical abuse: when an adult punishes a child and leaves a mark that can be seen the next day

 

• A child that is going through abuse might think that changing their actions might stop the abuse but only the abuser is responsible for the abuse, any justification given is just victim blaming

 

• Sexual abuse: a criminal offense in which an adult uses a child for sexual purposes, even a single incident can cause long term damage where the survivor blames themselves even though it is never their fault 

 

• Emotional abuse: non -physical mistreatment of a person, it leaves no visible scars but it can lead the victim to feel inadequate and worthless

 

• Neglect- failing to provide basic needs

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• Runaway- a child who leaves home without permission, often times to leave an unhealthy situation at home

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Healthy Family Practices

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​Resolving Conflicts: by focusing on collaboration and compromise

Expressing Emotions: being a safe space for elf expression is critical 

Making decisions: as an egalitarian family unit where all members have an equal share in the decision making process

Managing Time: creating goals with timelines that are broken down into smaller steps so the members of the family can keep track of the progress 

When the family needs help: family therapy, support groups, community involvement, individual counseling aside from family therapy 
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COnflict Resolution

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​Describe the problem: 

• what do you feel the problem is?
• how does the problem make you feel?
• what do you think about the situation?
• what do you want out of the situation?

See the other persons point of view:
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• reflect of how you think the other person sees the problem

​Involve the other person:

• Ask them for their point of view
• Find ways to find a resolution that is good for both of you

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Resources:
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https://teenlineonline.org/
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
https://www.loveisrespect.org/
https://www.fyinm.org/ 
https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/