ALMA D'ARTE

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8/26/2018

Week of august 27 to August 31: Responsible relationships

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types of friends


Casual friends: acquaintances, people that you know from school or work that you don't have deep conversations with.

Close Friends: you might be more inclined to share your childhood stories, dreams, concerns about life, goals, and beliefs.  

Friendship includes:
  • Loyalty
  • honesty
  • empathy
  • reliability

The best way to be compatible with great friends is to be a great friend. 
Check yourself and everything else will follow.

Friends listen to each other and support each other, it is however, alright for a friend to set boundaries and ask you to not vent as much or talk about a difficult situation as often.  You can go over what you are doing to resolve the issue or focus on self care and then talk about other topics.  One can become overwhelmed by a friend's problems; especially if they truly care and would take to fix everything but know that doing so is not possible.  Share the time with your friends wisely, there are many other things to talk about and distraction can be a constructive part of self care.

Friends of the opposite sex: A friend can be of the opposite sex, this has been problematic in our history due to ideas around gender norms.  We know that people of all genders are the same and can share interests, world views and perspectives.  What matters is that you respect each others' boundaries.  It is completely alright for you to keep your friends if you enter a relationship, only an abusive partner will try to tell you that you can no longer speak to your friends no matter what their gender is.

physical attraction and dating


pg 148
Infatuation: Intense feelings of attraction toward someone, a normal experience that usually begin in the teenage years, we call it a "crush".

going out as a group

Many people meet up for activities like bowling or practicing a sport, dating often grows out of group activities. dating helps us learn more about the other person's personality, interests, abilities, and values, it is a healthy way to get to know them better while staying in a public place.

group activities can help you see how the person interact with others, how they treat the workers at a place that you visit, or how funny they are.  

steady dating

After a date one may decide that they would rather keep spending time with the group or that they would like to have both group and date activities.
  • It is important for each person to decide what relationship they would like to keep with their friends.
  • They might not want to spend all of their free time with one person. 
  • People can be part of a couple within a group of people and continue to have their group activities. 
  • What matters is that all people involved have a say in what they do

A healthy relationship


  • A healthy relationship means that there is an equal distribution of power and control over what the people in the relationship get to do. 
  • Healthy partners give each other options and are flexible about activities and topics of conversation.
  • They decide on activities together and respect each others boundaries when it comes to moving forward.
  • The easiest way to have balance is to go half and half on everything, you can take turns buying food or buy each other an equally priced plate, you could each pay for your own meal.
  • Sometimes people use buying food as a way to have power and control over someone else, a date might pay for dinner and then pressure the other person into believing that they owe sex in return for the dinner.  You don't owe anyone anything.
  • A healthy partner will respect your decision about paying for your own food or ticket, they will not pressure you to change your mind, they might ask if you are sure one time to be courteous, and then let it go.
  • In a healthy relationship all people involved are heard, and their questions are answered, open communication and straight answers are essential for a healthy relationship.
  • Talking about boundaries is important, if exclusivity is important to you then it is completely ok for you to ask your partner how they feel bout exclusivity and clarify what exclusivity means to you, otherwise they might tell you that they did not know that you had boundaries in mind because you never had a conversation about them.
  • Sharing your philosophy is key: being able to talk about values, opinions, and the things that you wonder about and feel heard and safe is a sign of a healthy relationship. 
  • An unhealthy partner will constantly disagree or name call you any chance they get.

emotional intimacy


  • It is healthy to start a relationship by building emotional intimacy, building trust in each other and a sense of comfort in being yourself.
  • It is completely ok to not share everything with a new partner, you can share only what you feel comfortable sharing
  • People of all genders have feelings and emotional experiences, sometimes gender norms close us off and make it hard to communicate our experience, it is ok for a partner to need some time to open up, it is still important for that open line of communication to exist down the line.  Sometimes abusive partners withhold their true feelings until you are more committed to them on purpose, it is ok to ask questions and accept that if someone is not being open with you then the emotional intimacy is not built yet and it might take some time, you might want to hold off on being increasingly committed to someone who is not showing up for you and connecting with you.  They might just not be ready.
  • It is completely healthy to share emotional intimacy without physical intimacy

risks of physical intimacy


  • Physical intimacy can be healthy, what matters is that you are making your own decisions and are being safe
  • Use protection, it does not cover everything so there is still risk
  • The risk of STD is very real: https://www.cdc.gov/std/
  • Testing resources: https://nmhealth.org/location/public/
  • Ask you partner to go get tested with you, this can be awkward but it is completely healthy and normal, if the person shames you for asking or feels offended then they might not know of the risks involved with sex, try talking to them about the things that need to be considered, if they still shame you then they might be hiding something or might not be ready
  • It is ok for either partner to stop the activity if they no longer want to continuenmhealth.org/location/public/
  • A risk of physical intimacy is pregnancy, unfortunately many times the guy will not want to take responsibility for the new baby, it is common for guys to push for abortion without caring about the emotional and physical impact of this possibility
  • What matters is that is is genuinely your decision, that you know your resources, and feel empowered to change your mind

abstinence and celibacy 


  • You can choose to wait
  • Celibacy has been know to help with the cultivation of creative energy
  • It may help with refocusing on what you really like in the person without the distraction of physical intimacy 
  • Set clear limits, communicate your limits, avoid high pressure situations, and be assertive about honoring your boundaries
  • This should be no problem in a healthy relationship

more than 50% of rape victims know their rapist


  • Anytime someone ignores your boundaries 
  • It can be physical force or via drugs that make you unconscious 
  • Most of the time rape occurs with someone who agreed to be a friend and then took advantage of a situation
  • It is not your fault, but the rapist generally tries to blame the victim
  • Report if you feel safe doing so, many people do not report due to the threat of retaliation
  • Drugs are not an excuse for violent behavior
  • Rape is a violent act of power and control over the other person
  • In a school environment there is a law called Title Nine that requires that the school be helpful in supporting survivors

remember that you are valuable, you deserve love and you deserve respect.  Abuse is never your fault and you can only try your best and hope for the best


dating violence


The Cycle of Violence:
There is generally a three stage cycle:
  • Tension Building: 
    • The person going through the abuse may try to prevent a violent outbreak by doing what the abuser wants or reason with the abuser
    • Violent Episode:
      • The tension is broken and the abuser behaves in a way that lead the survivor to feel unsafe.
  • Calm Stage: 
    • ​Abuser usually apologizes and says that it won't happen again, presents excuses and expects the survivor to eat it all up.   
    • The abuser may subtly blame the victim for the abuse.

warning signs of abuse

  • Person is jealous when you talk to others
  • Makes fun of you in front of others 
  • Makes all the decisions and tries to control what you do
  • Has a history of bad relationships
  • You feel isolated from your friends and family
  • You feel less confident, you worry about doing or saying the right thing, you try to avoid arguments
  • Any pushing or jokes about hurting you
Many movies show abusive behaviors as romantic. 
  • Sometimes we are taught that aggression is a sign of masculinity or that men are entitled to control women
  • Sometimes we are taught that if we are not the abuser we will be abused
It is ok to break up with someone, you don't owe them an explanation, if you tell them how you feel and it is not helping because the person does not help, it's ok to just cut them off and surround yourself with good friends.

red flags of abuse

Signs: https://streetsmartwomen.com/

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8/26/2018

Week of August 20 to August 24: Family Health

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Last Week


Family and SOcial HEalth


This topic is complex because there are so many possibilities for family dynamics and what well being can look like.  Our book covers some of the changes that we have seen in recent years, on pg 113 it goes over the rising presence of women in the workforce.  More than half of women with pre-school children work outside their home, sometimes as single moms, over 86% of single parents are women. 

Vocabulary


nuclear family- a couple and their children

Adoption- the legal process through which a couple will take another persons child into their family

Single parent family- only one parent lives with children

Extended family- group of close relatives living together or near each other, grandparents, teachers, uncles, aunts, or cousins

Blended family- when parents remarry and children from both parents live together

Foster family- when people take care of a child when their biological family is not able to take care of them 

responsibilities WITHIN the family


All members of the family are meant to share responsibilities, chores and responsibilities can be adjusted according to age.  Youth can help with cleaning and cooking regardless of gender. 

family violence


  • Violence can occur in all kinds of families-- rich or poor, urban or rural, uneducated or educated; the heart of the problem is one persons' desire to have power and control over others. 
  • Violence may be physical, sexual or emotional
  • Any member of a household can be the victim of abuse- a spouse, child, or elderly person
  • Physical abuse: when an adult punishes a child and leaves a mark that can be seen the next day
  • A child that is going through abuse might think that changing their actions might stop the abuse but only the abuser is responsible for the abuse, any justification given is just victim blaming
  • Sexual abuse: a criminal offense in which an ult uses a child for sexual purposes, even a single incident can cause long term damage where the survivor blames themselves even though it is never their fault 
  • Emotional abuse: non -physical mistreatment of a person, it leaves no visible scars but it can lead the victim to feel inadequate and worthless
  • Neglect- failing to provide basic needs
  • Runaway- a child who leaves home without permission, often times to leave an unhealthy situation at home

conflict resolution


  1. Describe the problem: 
    1. what do you feel the problem is?
    2. how does the problem make you feel?
    3. what do you think about the situation?
    4. what do you want out of the situation?
  2. See the other persons point of view:
    1. reflect of how you think the other person sees the problem
  3. Involve the other person:
    1. Ask them for their point of view
    2. Find ways to find a resolution that is good for both of you

what a healthy family dynamic looks like 


pg 126
  • Caring and Commitment
  1. Committed to staying together through good and bad times 
  2. When one family member makes a mistake, the other members of the family offer their support even if they are angry or disappointed
  • Respect and Appreciation 
  1. Family members help each other feel important
  2. Celebrate success
  • Empathy
  1. The abiliyy to understand how the other person feels
  2. Family members listen to each other's points of view
  • Communication
  1. Family members tell each other what they honestly feel
  2. they listen with respect to what the other person has to say 
  • Cooperation
  1. Responsibilities are divided fairly among family members 
  2. Each follows through with what they say they will do  

useful skills for families


Resolving Conflicts: by focusing on collaboration and compromise

Expressing Emotions: being a safe space for elf expression is critical 

Making decisions: as an egalitarian family unit where all members have an equal share in the decision making process

Managing Time: creating goals with timelines that are broken down into smaller steps so the members of the family can keep track of the progress 

When the family needs help: family therapy, support groups, community involvement, individual counseling aside from family therapy 

 communication DYNAMICS


Passive Aggressive Behavior 

What does it mean to be assertive?



reading people



body language


We have many social cues 

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8/12/2018

week of august 13 to august 17: stress management

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First we will review some of last week

Chapter 3, pg. 56

what is stress?

​Stress is the response of your body and mind to being challenged or threatened.
  • Positive stress is eustress
    • awkward situations that help us grow, they cause stress but the result is beneficial for our overall well being
    • getting to know someone
    • telling someone that you like them and getting to know them more
    • networking and connecting with possible employers
    • competitive sports
    • public presentations
    • developing new skills
    • preparing for bigger goals
  • Negative stress is distress
    • can be debilitating and reinforce fear, when we are not getting our needs met
    • loss of a job or job insecurity
    • loss of home
    • loss of relationships
    • hunger
    • problems at school or work
    • bullying or drama
    • sleep problems
  • Stressor: event or situation that causes stress 
    • Any change: some changes are harder to adapt to than others and some changes are harder to adapt to for one person vs another
    • Prior experience with a stressor helps us adapt but it is best to find ways to make like less stressful.
    • Each person gets to decide what stresses them out, nobody can tell them that their experience of stress is not valid 

four general types of stressors

  • Major life changes
    • Graduating from high school
    • Experiencing death of a parent 
    • Going through parents’ divorce
    • Experiencing remarriage of parent
    • Having a newborn sibling
    • Having a serious illness
    • Moving to a new school district
    • Failing a grade
    • Being accepted to college
    • Breaking up with boyfriend or girlfriend
    • Having parent lose their job
    • Learning you were adopted
    • Not making a team
    • Being elected to student government
    • Being recognized for an achievement
    • Leaving home for college or a job
  • Catastrophes
    • It is and event that destroys lives and may destroy property
    • Natural disasters such as hurricane, flood, earthquake, tornadoes
    • Violent crimes and war
    • A person who experiences a catastrophe may deal with psychological effects for years after the event 
  • Everyday problems
    • Minor but frequent everyday events
    • Misplacing keys
    • Missing your bus
    • Too much homework
    • Disagreements with family members
    • Pressure to succeed
    • Competition  
  • Environmental problems 
    • Conditions in your immediate surroundings that increase your level of stress
    • Overcrowded bus
    • Traffic
    • Noise if you live near an airport
    • Poor air quality
    • Contaminated water
    • Heat wave or blizzard, unusual weather
    • Living in an overcrowded space

HOW STRESS AFFECTS YOUR BODY


Stages of Stress:
  • Alarm Stage: during the alarm stage, your body releases adrenaline into your blood, it causes an immediate change in your body: heart rate speeds up, muscles tense up, breathing speeds up, your attention narrows and you focus on the stressor. (Life hack [as long as alarm stage is not alerting you to something that you need to react to to save your life]: look at your surroundings and notice four items, take note of sounds around you, take your mind off the stressor)
  • Resistance Stage: you feel that it is all good because the alarm stage is gone but you still experience the stress, you try to adapt to it and go by your day.  Sometimes we react with bottled up, accumulated stress and [small things] set us off.  Your body is working hard to cope during the resistance stage and you may be inexplicably irritated, tired, and less able to handle additional stress.  Traffic is a common cause of this state or resistance.
  • Exhaustion Stage: Your body can no longer keep up with the demands placed on it, depleted emotional and or physical state.  this happens after a long time of resistance stage, it can happen when we lose a loved one.  It is not permanent but it can last years.

Signs of stress, pg. 63:
  • Stomachaches: can occur in stomach, small or large intestine.  Stress disrupts the movement of food through the digestive system.  Food might move too fast or too slow and you might feel gas, cramps, diarrhea, or constipation.  Stress increases stomach acid making an ulcer more likely to occur.
  • ​Breathing problems: Asthma may be triggered by stress, it also increases breathing rate and heart rate which can least to feeling short of breath.
  • Headaches: Tension in muscles around scalp, face, and neck can cause aches, a migraine begins when blood vessels in the brain and scalp narrow which limits the supply of oxygen to the brain. You can keep a log to see when you experience aches.
  • Lowered resistance to disease: Stress may lower your immune system, During the alarms stage some parts of the immune system function better than usual to protect you but prolonged stress can slow the immune system down.
  • Heart disease: Your heart can suffer from prolonged or frequent stress because your blood vessels narrow and your blood pressure rises. 
 
Responses to stress: 
  • Optimism and pessimism
  • Aiming for perfection
  • Resilience

Dynamics Of stress and abuse at hOme: 

time management and coping

  • It can help us feel less stressed out if we make a schedule and goals to work on. 
  • Break bigger projects into smaller steps and schedule when to complete the parts of your project
  • Mental rehearsal- visualize the work getting done, practice the event without actually doing the event
  • Reduce tension- activities that help us reduce tension vary
    • exercise, walking, yoga
    • watching tv or reading
    • reflecting

deficit thinking


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8/8/2018

Week of August 6 to August 10: What health is, personality, human emotions

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Chapter 1: What is health?

Book: Health, Prenctice Hall
Review the concepts found in your book:

  • Health: overall well being of you body, mind, and relationships with other people 
​
  • Life expectancy: the number of years a person can expect to live
​
  • Quality of life: the degree of overall satisfaction that a person gets from life
​
  • Goals: a result that a person aims for and works hard to reach 
​
  • Physical health: how well your body function
​
  • Mental health: the state of being comfortable with yourself, with others, and with your surroundings 
​
  • Emotional health: how you react to events in your life, your mind is alert, you can learn from your mistakes, and recognize your achievements
​
  • Social health: how well you get along with others, have loving relationships, respect the rights of others, give and accept help
​
  • Wellness: ideal level of health 
​
  • Risk factors: any action or condition that increases the likelihood of injury, disease, or other negative outcome
​
  • Habits and behavior: habits and behaviors are repeated so often that they become almost automatic
​
  • Advocacy: using communication to influence and support others in making positive decisions
​
  • Influences: anything that can affect your decisions, habits and behaviors
​
  • Advertising: any effort to sell you products or services

web site on Setting goals, smart goals
​www.mindtools.com

To make sure your goals are clear and reachable, each one should be:
​
  • Specific (simple, sensible, significant).
  • Measurable (meaningful, motivating).
  • Achievable (agreed, attainable).
  • Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).
  • Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Chapter 2: Personality

  • What is personality? Behaviors, attitudes, feelings, and ways of thinking that make you an individual. 
  • Psychologist: Studies how people think, feel, and behave.  Goes to school for 8 years or more after high school.

Personality Traits

  • Extroversion vs Introversion: These words are used to describe extremes; we are not just one or the other and we might behave differently in different situations. If you just met a group of people, you might want to get to know them a bit better before you talk to them more, you might also be interested in learning more about what they like to talk about before deciding what conversations to bring up. 
​
  • An extrovert tends to be seen as talkative and sociable while an introvert is identified as shy, quiet, and reserved.  Extroverts tend to seek out other people while introverts are more comfortable spending time on their own.
​
  • Agreeableness: your tendency to relate to other people in a friendly way, people who are agreeable tend to cooperate more, are more forgiving, and assume that other people are honest and trustworthy. 

    • People who are disagreeable tend to be suspicious and assume that other people are unreliable or ready to take advantage of them. 
    • Oftentimes due to past experience 
    • It is ok to not be agreeable if you feel that it is time to hold back on blind trust, it is ok to question everything and follow your intuition, nobody can tell you how to feel about a situation as you find an environments where you feel safe to be agreeable. 
 
  • Conscientiousness: how responsible and self-disciplined you are, think through decisions, think of consequences, follow through
 
  • Stability: Ability to cope with change, people who are emotionally stable tend to be relaxed, secure, and calm, even during difficult situations. On the other end of the scale are people who are fearful, worried, and angry.  They tend to focus on the negative and expect the worst in most situations.
 
  • Openness to experiences: curious, imaginative, and creative, likely to have a wide range of interests and may be less predictable, more independent, and be less likely to do what everyone else is doing
 
  • Environment
​
  • Friends: affect our healthy behaviors, levels of collaboration, what we consider acceptable humor, topics of conversation, how we respond when someone in the group is struggling.
 
  • Family: children learn about attitudes, feelings and ways to behave from their families, we are constantly reevaluating what we learned as children.
 
  • Culture: Personality traits that are valued in one culture might not be as valued in another culture.  Some cultures encourage people to be independent while some encourage people to fit in.  In some cultures you can show your feelings in public more.  We are constantly creating culture. 

Personality development

  • Develop trust: An infant depends on others for food, clean diaper, and affection.  If these needs are met, the child learns to trust other people.  If these needs are not met, the child learns to mistrust and withdraw.
 
  • Learn to be independent: We learn to do things on our own, if we master our goals we might feel a healthy sense of power and control within our reality, if we fail and have support, we try again and thrive, if we fail and are ridiculed we might develop self-doubt, insecurity or shame.   Setting new goals and learning new skills can help us overcome self-doubt and regain a balanced sense of power and control.  
 
  • Take initiative: We start to plan our own activities and set our own goals that are based on our personal interests.  As we develop a sense of right and wrong we might take initiative to speak up against oppression and inequity.  We think of new clubs, bands, web sites, dreams.
  • Develop skills: As we grow we learn how to take care of ourselves and others, how to have our needs met, study skills, learning skills, social skills, our skills help us feel competent, we know that we are closer to reaching our goals because we worked on gaining the skills that we will use to get there.
 
  • Search for identity: Sense of self and what motivates you to keep on going.  Your frame of mind or topics of conversation, what you like to do with your free time, what we are working on for ourselves and for others.
 
  • Establish intimacy: We establish close bonds with others and know that it won’t always go the way we expected but find ways to honor our boundaries and not give up on the possibility of building a large network of healthy relationships.  If we support others and expect the same in return we build healthy rapport and a culture of showing up and following through.  
 
  • Create and nurture: Help your friends and family-thrive, tell them how they can help you thrive.  Nurture vulnerable populations such as children and the elderly.  Stay up to date with the agencies that serve them, monitor progress and funding sources for public health programs.  Advocate for policies that protect them such as rigorous background checks for anyone that works with them.  Build community events around raising awareness to hold space for artists and musicians.
 
  • Look back with acceptance: Celebrate your success and work on new skills every step of the way.  Take risks that you feel comfortable taking and consider the negative possibilities of the risk to see what you can do to avoid them or feel more prepared to face them.  Look up articles and web sites that share tips and tricks.  All we can do is try our best and if things don’t go well, it is not our fault.  Older people tend to regret what they did not do more than what they did do.  Failure is natural and part of the process of growing.
 
Activity: work in groups of three or four, and write about what personality is and where it comes from. 

​Then share with the class:


Self-esteem and your health



  • Body positivity: All bodies are beautiful, capitalism just tells us to buy things to feel "better".  Yes, movies, magazines, and media have literally and consciously been emotionally abusing us to sell us stuff this whole time.

​
  • Stop using oppressive language: racism and sexism, all the -isms.  ​This will help people decide that they like you more often, being oppressive is simply not peaceful and chill.
​


​Gratitude



​Thinking of what you are thankful for immediately puts you in a good state of mind.  Telling people that you are thankful for their existence immediately puts them in a good state of mind, it is easy, and it is free.
​

​
  • Maintain a positive attitude: when possible, you don't have to do this all the time, it's ok to feel what you feel, focus on peace and whether or not what you do will help resolve an issue

  • Focus on your strengths: ask yourself what you did well today

  • Form close relationships: to the best of our ability, set your bondaries and respect the boundaries of others

  • Set goals for yourself: if you have a really big goal, think of smaller steps that can help you reach that goal (more on that later), see if there are people that you can collaborate with

  • Avoid risky behaviors: we all take risks but are you eating pizza off the floor or taking a mystery pill? Is there a chance that a dog peed where the pizza fell?

  • Ask for help: resources are there for you, you can also ask your friends to crowdfund to replace your stolen bike or ask for tutoring

  • Help others: see what people need, tell them to let you know how you can support them

How self-esteem develops:
 
  • Childhood: Children need support and encouragement from family and peers
 
  • Adolescent: It is normal to be a bit self-conscious, hopefully we won't judge ourselves too harshly, you deserve love from yourself, media tries to set "beauty standards" to make everyone look somewhat similar by buying the same products, peculiarities rule
 
  • Adulthood: adults struggle with the same things youth do, don't let them fool you, encourage them to have a healthy self-esteem along with you instead
 
Activity: look at page 39
 
  • Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses
  • Set ambitious but healthy goals for yourself
  • Remember to not be too hard on yourself
  • Rely on your values: what does that mean?
  • Reflect on how you accept compliments
  • Look beyond your own concerns
  • Do not focus too much on appearance   
​

maslow's hierarchy of needs



  • Hierarchy of needs
    • Physical needs: food, water, sleep
    • Safety: shelter from elements such as heat, cold, and rain, to feel safe from violence at home or in their community
    • Belonging: connection with other people, we need acceptance and love needed for emotional health
    • Esteem: approval, recognition, respect, appreciation, and attention 


Achieving your potential


  • Self actualization:
    • The ongoing journey of being happy with who we are and what we do on the planet.
  • Personality traits of Self-Actualized People according to Maslow's studies:

    1. Realistic and accepting: sometimes we don't have all of these needs met so we focus on what we can do to be in a situation where the needs are met instead of being crushed by a reality that we are not completely happy with.
    2. Independent and self sufficient: bring your own supplies and take care of your own emotions, this makes it easier to be thankful for the support of others.
    3. Appreciative of life: recognize your opportunities and privileges and help foster a world where other people have them too. Recognize anything that is going well.
    4. Concerned about humankind: practice empathy, know that injustice is not necessary and support efforts to reach peace and equilibrium/ balance.
    5. Capable of loving others: realizing that other people are real and deserve love and respect as well as resources that will help them meet their needs.
    6. Fair, unprejudiced: reflect on how we have normalized oppression but don't need to continue to reinforce oppression, reflect on misogyny and misandry with an open mind.
    7. Creative and hard-working: We do not need to hold back from doing good work and showing that we care, we can always create something for someone.
    8. Not afraid to be different: When people are simply happy to be themselves. 
​

Expressing anger in healthy ways

pg.42 in our book


  • Accept your feelings: It is ok to feel anger, denying your anger will not make it go away, and ignoring your anger can lead to more destructive behaviors later on.  Once you accept your anger you can work on expressing your anger in healthy ways. 
 
  • Identify your triggers: Know what makes you angry, it might be a particular person or situation, thinking about events in your past, or thinking about your future, you can write down what you feel in a journal.  Know that your feelings are valid.  
 
  • Describe your response: Reflect on or write down what you did in response to your anger, and what happened after you responded.  Reflect on whether or nor it helped relieve or process that anger.
 
Find constructive alternatives:
​​

  • Talk about it: After you feel better, try to discuss the problem.  Let the person know how you feel without blaming them, listen, with respect to what the other person has to say.  Even if talking does not fix the problem, you may feel ready to move on and see if they stop doing the thing that made you angry.  If you told them how you feel and they still continue to hurt you there is a possibility that they are trying to hurt you and you can consider setting boundaries with the person.  You can chose to talk to them less or only in certain places such as school or work.  You have the right to do whatever helps you feel safe.  

  • Release excess energy: Physical activity to get the energy out, even a walk can be very helpful but punching things (soft inanimate things) works too, there is also dance and hiking. 

  • Avoid certain situations: Leave a situation when you start to feel angry or change your activities if there is no other way to avoid the trigger.

  • Avoid destructive behaviors: think of healthy alternatives such as art and music

  • Ask for help: get feedback from supportive friends and family, look up community resources.

  • Social issue anger: Start a nonprofit organization or get involved in the solution, support organizations that are part of the solution
​
Primary Emotions:
  • Happiness
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Fear
  • Learned emotion

​Love:
  • We learn what love looks like through our culture
Healthy Relationship Information:
  • loveisrespect.org
  • Dating Abuse Stats
  • Center for Disease Control (CDC) wants us all to learn about healthy relationships

Guilt and shame:
  • When people in our life lead us to feel bad instead of being supportive we learn to feel guilt and shame instead of learning alternative actions, it can be helpful to feel these to some extent but if we linger in these emotions we could feel down and will be less likely to seek constructive solution​

Recognizing your emotions


  • Sometimes anger can mask fear guilt and shame when we don't know how to express our frustration; we might appear to be angry.  

  • Ask yourself what led you to feel the imbalance of emotion and how to cope with the trigger to bypass having to label your feelings.

​Coping with emotions​:​

  • Coping strategies help you process what you feel in a healthy or constructive way.
​
  • Examples include: talking to someone who won't judge you, taking a break by reading or going to an event, doing something nice to yourself to nurture yourself back to a state of equilibrium (be your own baby bird and baby bird caregiver), do something new to break out of the usual routine, art or music, connect to your hobbies and things that you love.  

Common defense mechanisms


  • Denial: refusing to recognize an emotion or problem, acting as though nothing is wrong

  • Compensation: making up for weakness in one area by excelling in another area

  • Rationalization: Making excuses for actions of feelings

  • Reaction formation: behaving in a way opposite to the way you feel

  • Projection: putting your own faults onto another person

  • Regression: returning to immature behaviors to express emotion 
​

​Coping


  • Confront the situation
  • Release excess energy
  • Take a break
  • Talk through feelings 

Sometimes the way you feel is a response to abuse

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