types of friendsCasual friends: acquaintances, people that you know from school or work that you don't have deep conversations with. Close Friends: you might be more inclined to share your childhood stories, dreams, concerns about life, goals, and beliefs. Friendship includes:
The best way to be compatible with great friends is to be a great friend. Check yourself and everything else will follow. Friends listen to each other and support each other, it is however, alright for a friend to set boundaries and ask you to not vent as much or talk about a difficult situation as often. You can go over what you are doing to resolve the issue or focus on self care and then talk about other topics. One can become overwhelmed by a friend's problems; especially if they truly care and would take to fix everything but know that doing so is not possible. Share the time with your friends wisely, there are many other things to talk about and distraction can be a constructive part of self care. Friends of the opposite sex: A friend can be of the opposite sex, this has been problematic in our history due to ideas around gender norms. We know that people of all genders are the same and can share interests, world views and perspectives. What matters is that you respect each others' boundaries. It is completely alright for you to keep your friends if you enter a relationship, only an abusive partner will try to tell you that you can no longer speak to your friends no matter what their gender is. physical attraction and datingpg 148 Infatuation: Intense feelings of attraction toward someone, a normal experience that usually begin in the teenage years, we call it a "crush". going out as a groupMany people meet up for activities like bowling or practicing a sport, dating often grows out of group activities. dating helps us learn more about the other person's personality, interests, abilities, and values, it is a healthy way to get to know them better while staying in a public place. group activities can help you see how the person interact with others, how they treat the workers at a place that you visit, or how funny they are. steady datingAfter a date one may decide that they would rather keep spending time with the group or that they would like to have both group and date activities.
A healthy relationship
emotional intimacy
risks of physical intimacy
abstinence and celibacy
more than 50% of rape victims know their rapist
remember that you are valuable, you deserve love and you deserve respect. Abuse is never your fault and you can only try your best and hope for the bestdating violenceThe Cycle of Violence: There is generally a three stage cycle:
warning signs of abuse
Many movies show abusive behaviors as romantic.
It is ok to break up with someone, you don't owe them an explanation, if you tell them how you feel and it is not helping because the person does not help, it's ok to just cut them off and surround yourself with good friends. red flags of abuseSigns: https://streetsmartwomen.com/
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Last WeekFamily and SOcial HEalthThis topic is complex because there are so many possibilities for family dynamics and what well being can look like. Our book covers some of the changes that we have seen in recent years, on pg 113 it goes over the rising presence of women in the workforce. More than half of women with pre-school children work outside their home, sometimes as single moms, over 86% of single parents are women. Vocabularynuclear family- a couple and their children Adoption- the legal process through which a couple will take another persons child into their family Single parent family- only one parent lives with children Extended family- group of close relatives living together or near each other, grandparents, teachers, uncles, aunts, or cousins Blended family- when parents remarry and children from both parents live together Foster family- when people take care of a child when their biological family is not able to take care of them responsibilities WITHIN the familyAll members of the family are meant to share responsibilities, chores and responsibilities can be adjusted according to age. Youth can help with cleaning and cooking regardless of gender. family violence
conflict resolution
what a healthy family dynamic looks likepg 126
useful skills for familiesResolving Conflicts: by focusing on collaboration and compromise Expressing Emotions: being a safe space for elf expression is critical Making decisions: as an egalitarian family unit where all members have an equal share in the decision making process Managing Time: creating goals with timelines that are broken down into smaller steps so the members of the family can keep track of the progress When the family needs help: family therapy, support groups, community involvement, individual counseling aside from family therapy communication DYNAMICSPassive Aggressive Behavior
What does it mean to be assertive?reading people
body languageWe have many social cues First we will review some of last weekChapter 3, pg. 56 what is stress?Stress is the response of your body and mind to being challenged or threatened.
four general types of stressors
HOW STRESS AFFECTS YOUR BODYStages of Stress:
Signs of stress, pg. 63:
Responses to stress:
Dynamics Of stress and abuse at hOme:time management and coping
deficit thinkingChapter 1: What is health?Book: Health, Prenctice Hall Review the concepts found in your book:
web site on Setting goals, smart goals |
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- Stop using oppressive language: racism and sexism, all the -isms. This will help people decide that they like you more often, being oppressive is simply not peaceful and chill.
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Gratitude
Thinking of what you are thankful for immediately puts you in a good state of mind. Telling people that you are thankful for their existence immediately puts them in a good state of mind, it is easy, and it is free.
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- Maintain a positive attitude: when possible, you don't have to do this all the time, it's ok to feel what you feel, focus on peace and whether or not what you do will help resolve an issue
- Focus on your strengths: ask yourself what you did well today
- Form close relationships: to the best of our ability, set your bondaries and respect the boundaries of others
- Set goals for yourself: if you have a really big goal, think of smaller steps that can help you reach that goal (more on that later), see if there are people that you can collaborate with
- Avoid risky behaviors: we all take risks but are you eating pizza off the floor or taking a mystery pill? Is there a chance that a dog peed where the pizza fell?
- Ask for help: resources are there for you, you can also ask your friends to crowdfund to replace your stolen bike or ask for tutoring
- Help others: see what people need, tell them to let you know how you can support them
How self-esteem develops:
Activity: look at page 39
- Childhood: Children need support and encouragement from family and peers
- Adolescent: It is normal to be a bit self-conscious, hopefully we won't judge ourselves too harshly, you deserve love from yourself, media tries to set "beauty standards" to make everyone look somewhat similar by buying the same products, peculiarities rule
- Adulthood: adults struggle with the same things youth do, don't let them fool you, encourage them to have a healthy self-esteem along with you instead
Activity: look at page 39
- Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses
- Set ambitious but healthy goals for yourself
- Remember to not be too hard on yourself
- Rely on your values: what does that mean?
- Reflect on how you accept compliments
- Look beyond your own concerns
- Do not focus too much on appearance
maslow's hierarchy of needs
- Hierarchy of needs
- Physical needs: food, water, sleep
- Safety: shelter from elements such as heat, cold, and rain, to feel safe from violence at home or in their community
- Belonging: connection with other people, we need acceptance and love needed for emotional health
- Esteem: approval, recognition, respect, appreciation, and attention
Achieving your potential
- Self actualization:
- The ongoing journey of being happy with who we are and what we do on the planet.
- Personality traits of Self-Actualized People according to Maslow's studies:
- Realistic and accepting: sometimes we don't have all of these needs met so we focus on what we can do to be in a situation where the needs are met instead of being crushed by a reality that we are not completely happy with.
- Independent and self sufficient: bring your own supplies and take care of your own emotions, this makes it easier to be thankful for the support of others.
- Appreciative of life: recognize your opportunities and privileges and help foster a world where other people have them too. Recognize anything that is going well.
- Concerned about humankind: practice empathy, know that injustice is not necessary and support efforts to reach peace and equilibrium/ balance.
- Capable of loving others: realizing that other people are real and deserve love and respect as well as resources that will help them meet their needs.
- Fair, unprejudiced: reflect on how we have normalized oppression but don't need to continue to reinforce oppression, reflect on misogyny and misandry with an open mind.
- Creative and hard-working: We do not need to hold back from doing good work and showing that we care, we can always create something for someone.
- Not afraid to be different: When people are simply happy to be themselves.
Expressing anger in healthy ways
pg.42 in our book
- Accept your feelings: It is ok to feel anger, denying your anger will not make it go away, and ignoring your anger can lead to more destructive behaviors later on. Once you accept your anger you can work on expressing your anger in healthy ways.
- Identify your triggers: Know what makes you angry, it might be a particular person or situation, thinking about events in your past, or thinking about your future, you can write down what you feel in a journal. Know that your feelings are valid.
- Describe your response: Reflect on or write down what you did in response to your anger, and what happened after you responded. Reflect on whether or nor it helped relieve or process that anger.
Find constructive alternatives:
- Talk about it: After you feel better, try to discuss the problem. Let the person know how you feel without blaming them, listen, with respect to what the other person has to say. Even if talking does not fix the problem, you may feel ready to move on and see if they stop doing the thing that made you angry. If you told them how you feel and they still continue to hurt you there is a possibility that they are trying to hurt you and you can consider setting boundaries with the person. You can chose to talk to them less or only in certain places such as school or work. You have the right to do whatever helps you feel safe.
- Release excess energy: Physical activity to get the energy out, even a walk can be very helpful but punching things (soft inanimate things) works too, there is also dance and hiking.
- Avoid certain situations: Leave a situation when you start to feel angry or change your activities if there is no other way to avoid the trigger.
- Avoid destructive behaviors: think of healthy alternatives such as art and music
- Ask for help: get feedback from supportive friends and family, look up community resources.
- Social issue anger: Start a nonprofit organization or get involved in the solution, support organizations that are part of the solution
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Primary Emotions:
- Happiness
- Sadness
- Anger
- Fear
- Learned emotion
Love:
- We learn what love looks like through our culture
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Healthy Relationship Information:
Guilt and shame:
- When people in our life lead us to feel bad instead of being supportive we learn to feel guilt and shame instead of learning alternative actions, it can be helpful to feel these to some extent but if we linger in these emotions we could feel down and will be less likely to seek constructive solution
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Recognizing your emotions
- Sometimes anger can mask fear guilt and shame when we don't know how to express our frustration; we might appear to be angry.
- Ask yourself what led you to feel the imbalance of emotion and how to cope with the trigger to bypass having to label your feelings.
Coping with emotions:
- Coping strategies help you process what you feel in a healthy or constructive way.
- Examples include: talking to someone who won't judge you, taking a break by reading or going to an event, doing something nice to yourself to nurture yourself back to a state of equilibrium (be your own baby bird and baby bird caregiver), do something new to break out of the usual routine, art or music, connect to your hobbies and things that you love.
Common defense mechanisms
- Denial: refusing to recognize an emotion or problem, acting as though nothing is wrong
- Compensation: making up for weakness in one area by excelling in another area
- Rationalization: Making excuses for actions of feelings
- Reaction formation: behaving in a way opposite to the way you feel
- Projection: putting your own faults onto another person
- Regression: returning to immature behaviors to express emotion
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Coping
- Confront the situation
- Release excess energy
- Take a break
- Talk through feelings
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Sometimes the way you feel is a response to abuse
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